Two of my work buddies and I just launched KeiselBeardMe.com. Check it out!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Monday, November 01, 2010
Nikon - Small Worlds
Check out Nikon's Small Worlds Photomicography winners:
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/10/small_worlds.html
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/10/small_worlds.html
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Dying
My uncle Ray died on the shitter. He was taking a poop, and apparently your heart rate slows down when you're doing that, and that was enough to send him to the next world. Part of me think that's a pretty good way to go, and then part of me is like, "No, the only way to die is piloting a train into a blimp full of Nazis and then exploding everybody." Well, my uncle Ray was a pretty good guy, so if dying on the toilet was good enough for him, then it sure as hell is good enough for you.
Death is a touchy subject. Mainly because lets face it, you're all probably going to die. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. Death is our final act in this world, unless we've done some pretty awesome planning, and it's important to do it right. I thought about making a list of acceptable ways to die, but how often do we get to plan that type of thing? It's likely that my advice would go pretty much unused, so I think it's better that we just open a forum here for discussion, and maybe I answer some questions about death and dying from young children. I'm taking these questions from babycenter.com, and I'm not reading the answers they posted. Hell, we're lucky I'm reading the questions.
"What does 'dead' mean?" This is a great first question because this is the kind of stupid shit a kid would ask. Kids are dumb as hell (I was a kid once, so I'm allowed to say this), and basically don't understand how the world works. Dead is when you're not alive anymore. So everything that you'd associate with alive, like breathing, emotions, eating at Dennys, or getting a hand job from the barista out behind a Starbucks... those are 'alive' things. Dead people don't get to do those. They get to do.... NOTHING.
"When will you die?" I'd like to start a business where people give me $20, and then I call them on their cell phone 20 minute before they die, so they can think of some great last words. Of course I'd just take the $20 and go to Starbucks, since I can't predict when people will die. There are, however, great ways to calculate when people will die within a reasonable margin of error, say... give or take 100 years. For example, do you do things to your body that are unhealthy? That means you're gonna die sooner. Do you get drunk as hell and play around near city reservoirs? Yep, death is on your agenda. Basically if you're worried about this question, stop doing stupid shit.
"Why is aunt Sally crying?" I don't know where this came from. Like I said, I'm not really reading as I go through here, so I'm not sure who aunt Sally is, but odds are she found out that her husband was having an affair. She probably suspected it for a while, but had trouble coming to grips with it, and now you're seeing the result.
"When will Grandpa come back? Will he be here for my birthday?" Hah. Yeah, if your kids are asking about people coming back from the grave to attend birthday parties, you may need to re-examine your parenting techniques. A good way to get this point across is what I call 'roadkill shopping' where you go out on the road and look around for all kinds of awesome roadkill. Where does roadkill come from? Dead-ass animals. Do you want that kind of shit at your birthday party? Well... That's pretty morbid, but you've gotta let kids learn for themselves sometimes.
"Can grandma get a new grandpa now?" Yes. They say 40 is the new 30, and that means 70 is the new 80 and 90 is the new 100. Basically old people, thanks to medicine and sexier clothes, can still get jiggy, and that means grandma can not only have a new grandpa, but hey, we're all modern here, how about two or three? I'm not saying I want to see that kind of thing, but if you're old, you need to enjoy life, so go for it!
"Was it my fault?" If your kids are asking you if somebody dying is their fault, it is probably because they have been killing people, and they're feeling you out to see if you're onto them. Reference the documentary, 'The Good Son' for more information.
"Did it hurt the baby to die? Will you die too?" Holy christ. Pass.
"Did uncle John die because he did something bad?" This is a great opportunity to teach your kids about right and wrong, and influence them to be the way you want them to be. Actually, they don't even have to be your kids. If the neighbor kids ask you something like this, work that shit. Did uncle John let his dog shit in your yard? Then that's why he died. Because he was a bastard.
"I remember Daddy used to snuggle with me when I was a baby." This is not a question. A question ends with a question mark.
I hope you've learned a lot today. I actually had hoped to talk a lot more about nazis, but kids today are apparently pretty boring, so we'll touch on that in another post. Also no mention of ninja turtles. I would have even been happy with some my little pony stuff in there, because I remember there was one of those that smelled like cherries. "Do my little ponies die?" Hey, that's also a very positive question because I guess they don't. There's the tv show I think, and they probably don't die there, and then those plastic toys probably survive hundreds of thousands of years. Man. Hundreds of thousands of years of cherry scented ponies. We'll discuss heaven in another post too. Maybe the same post as the nazi killing.
Death is a touchy subject. Mainly because lets face it, you're all probably going to die. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. Death is our final act in this world, unless we've done some pretty awesome planning, and it's important to do it right. I thought about making a list of acceptable ways to die, but how often do we get to plan that type of thing? It's likely that my advice would go pretty much unused, so I think it's better that we just open a forum here for discussion, and maybe I answer some questions about death and dying from young children. I'm taking these questions from babycenter.com, and I'm not reading the answers they posted. Hell, we're lucky I'm reading the questions.
"What does 'dead' mean?" This is a great first question because this is the kind of stupid shit a kid would ask. Kids are dumb as hell (I was a kid once, so I'm allowed to say this), and basically don't understand how the world works. Dead is when you're not alive anymore. So everything that you'd associate with alive, like breathing, emotions, eating at Dennys, or getting a hand job from the barista out behind a Starbucks... those are 'alive' things. Dead people don't get to do those. They get to do.... NOTHING.
"When will you die?" I'd like to start a business where people give me $20, and then I call them on their cell phone 20 minute before they die, so they can think of some great last words. Of course I'd just take the $20 and go to Starbucks, since I can't predict when people will die. There are, however, great ways to calculate when people will die within a reasonable margin of error, say... give or take 100 years. For example, do you do things to your body that are unhealthy? That means you're gonna die sooner. Do you get drunk as hell and play around near city reservoirs? Yep, death is on your agenda. Basically if you're worried about this question, stop doing stupid shit.
"Why is aunt Sally crying?" I don't know where this came from. Like I said, I'm not really reading as I go through here, so I'm not sure who aunt Sally is, but odds are she found out that her husband was having an affair. She probably suspected it for a while, but had trouble coming to grips with it, and now you're seeing the result.
"When will Grandpa come back? Will he be here for my birthday?" Hah. Yeah, if your kids are asking about people coming back from the grave to attend birthday parties, you may need to re-examine your parenting techniques. A good way to get this point across is what I call 'roadkill shopping' where you go out on the road and look around for all kinds of awesome roadkill. Where does roadkill come from? Dead-ass animals. Do you want that kind of shit at your birthday party? Well... That's pretty morbid, but you've gotta let kids learn for themselves sometimes.
"Can grandma get a new grandpa now?" Yes. They say 40 is the new 30, and that means 70 is the new 80 and 90 is the new 100. Basically old people, thanks to medicine and sexier clothes, can still get jiggy, and that means grandma can not only have a new grandpa, but hey, we're all modern here, how about two or three? I'm not saying I want to see that kind of thing, but if you're old, you need to enjoy life, so go for it!
"Was it my fault?" If your kids are asking you if somebody dying is their fault, it is probably because they have been killing people, and they're feeling you out to see if you're onto them. Reference the documentary, 'The Good Son' for more information.
"Did it hurt the baby to die? Will you die too?" Holy christ. Pass.
"Did uncle John die because he did something bad?" This is a great opportunity to teach your kids about right and wrong, and influence them to be the way you want them to be. Actually, they don't even have to be your kids. If the neighbor kids ask you something like this, work that shit. Did uncle John let his dog shit in your yard? Then that's why he died. Because he was a bastard.
"I remember Daddy used to snuggle with me when I was a baby." This is not a question. A question ends with a question mark.
I hope you've learned a lot today. I actually had hoped to talk a lot more about nazis, but kids today are apparently pretty boring, so we'll touch on that in another post. Also no mention of ninja turtles. I would have even been happy with some my little pony stuff in there, because I remember there was one of those that smelled like cherries. "Do my little ponies die?" Hey, that's also a very positive question because I guess they don't. There's the tv show I think, and they probably don't die there, and then those plastic toys probably survive hundreds of thousands of years. Man. Hundreds of thousands of years of cherry scented ponies. We'll discuss heaven in another post too. Maybe the same post as the nazi killing.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
American Eagle Stores - October 2010 Playlist
Ratatat - Wildcat
Magic Man - Heart
Minus The Bear - Knights
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity
Black kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You
Blur - Girls & Boys
The Big Pink - Dominos
Kid Cudi, Rostam Batmanglij, Bethany Cosentino - All Summer
LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean
Maroon 5 - Misery
Band of Skulls - Death by Diamonds and Pearls
Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
The Thermals - I Don't Believe You
Justin Timberlake - LoveStoned/I Think She Knows
The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution
Aerosmith - Love Me Two Times
Kanye West - Champion
Arcade Fire - Modern Man
Discovery - Osaka Loop Line
The Drums - Book of Stories
Black Joe Lewis & The Honey Bears - Boogie
Elvis Costello - Pump It Up
Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself
Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals - Put It On Me
Modest Mouse - Float On
Phoenix - Second to None
Spoon - Finer Feelings
Surfer Blood - Twin Peaks
The Whigs - Kill Me Carolyne
Tokyo Police Club - Wait Up (Boots of Danger)
Surfer Blood - Fast Jabroni
Dr. Dog - Mirror Mirror
Tim Kasher - Cold Love
Janelle Monáe - Cold War
Magic Man - Heart
Minus The Bear - Knights
Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity
Black kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You
Blur - Girls & Boys
The Big Pink - Dominos
Kid Cudi, Rostam Batmanglij, Bethany Cosentino - All Summer
LCD Soundsystem - Dance Yrself Clean
Maroon 5 - Misery
Band of Skulls - Death by Diamonds and Pearls
Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
The Thermals - I Don't Believe You
Justin Timberlake - LoveStoned/I Think She Knows
The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution
Aerosmith - Love Me Two Times
Kanye West - Champion
Arcade Fire - Modern Man
Discovery - Osaka Loop Line
The Drums - Book of Stories
Black Joe Lewis & The Honey Bears - Boogie
Elvis Costello - Pump It Up
Billy Idol - Dancing With Myself
Ben Harper & the Innocent Criminals - Put It On Me
Modest Mouse - Float On
Phoenix - Second to None
Spoon - Finer Feelings
Surfer Blood - Twin Peaks
The Whigs - Kill Me Carolyne
Tokyo Police Club - Wait Up (Boots of Danger)
Surfer Blood - Fast Jabroni
Dr. Dog - Mirror Mirror
Tim Kasher - Cold Love
Janelle Monáe - Cold War
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