Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Breaking All The Rules
When I leave my house carrying an 8 pound bichon frise, and the clan of amish standing in the street turn to look at me, you can bet your ass I give them the Black Power fist. That's just how I roll.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Amish Bullshit
The standard disclaimer applies here. If you are able to be offended in any way, are alive, dead, or undead, or born after 1820, do not read below. This content is not intended for you.
So across the street, they are building some houses, and the people doing all of the framework are Amish. Now I didn't go over there and ask what sect they were, or study their civilization. They're just Amish, and you can tell because they look like it.
Now, Amish construction is nothing new. The amish are famed for their antiques and shit, and of course they make barns, and whenever you need some special construction project, everyone knows you either recruit the amish or the dutch. But here's the thing. I've been watching across the street for 3 days now, watching these amish build. Right now, there is one using a power saw, one walking across the first floor, dragging a pneumatic nailgun behind him, one operating a crane, and one operating a forklift.
Now... I'm not questioning the QUALITY of the work that the amish do, and they certainly look like skilled workers, very practiced in their art, walking confidently across beams, quickly securing new joists... I just have one question...
WHEN THE FUCK DID THE AMISH DECIDE THEY COULD DO ANY BULLSHIT THEY WANTED?!
I know some groups of amish have different beliefs, but a fucking pneumatic nailgun? That means there's an air compressor, which means there's electricity, and they definitely didn't get that equipment from the town hall. And a crane? And I'm not talking about a little crane for unloading a truck or something. This fucking thing is 5 stories tall, has 4 foot wheels, and eight foot extenders coming off the sides for stabilization. So what's the rule now? You just have to dress a certain way and boom, you're in the club? And if these guys are here building this house, who's taking care of the fucking farm? You know who? Probably god damn robots because I don't know why they'd stop there!
It's not that I don't think that these people should have rights. It's just about principle. If I were amish, and I woke up one day and was like... "Well... I think I'm going to buy a sports car and become a scientist." I don't think I'd keep calling myself Amish. In fact, I think I'd be more like... yeah... I tried that Amish thing. Didn't really work out for me I guess.
I was going to finish up with a paragraph about how I love the amish, but the only thing I could really come up with was how they make a lot of cheese. Aren't there female-rights issues with some groups, and what's with the everyone having the same haircut and growing beards? And look, walking around with amish clothes is fine, we get it, you're amish, we don't care. And the horse and buggy thing, sure. Apparently you can drive a crane but not a car. But please stay off the god damn highway. It's a highway. It was never a simple country path, and it only leads to Walmart. You don't need to be there. It is unsafe for everyone involved.
So across the street, they are building some houses, and the people doing all of the framework are Amish. Now I didn't go over there and ask what sect they were, or study their civilization. They're just Amish, and you can tell because they look like it.
Now, Amish construction is nothing new. The amish are famed for their antiques and shit, and of course they make barns, and whenever you need some special construction project, everyone knows you either recruit the amish or the dutch. But here's the thing. I've been watching across the street for 3 days now, watching these amish build. Right now, there is one using a power saw, one walking across the first floor, dragging a pneumatic nailgun behind him, one operating a crane, and one operating a forklift.
Now... I'm not questioning the QUALITY of the work that the amish do, and they certainly look like skilled workers, very practiced in their art, walking confidently across beams, quickly securing new joists... I just have one question...
WHEN THE FUCK DID THE AMISH DECIDE THEY COULD DO ANY BULLSHIT THEY WANTED?!
I know some groups of amish have different beliefs, but a fucking pneumatic nailgun? That means there's an air compressor, which means there's electricity, and they definitely didn't get that equipment from the town hall. And a crane? And I'm not talking about a little crane for unloading a truck or something. This fucking thing is 5 stories tall, has 4 foot wheels, and eight foot extenders coming off the sides for stabilization. So what's the rule now? You just have to dress a certain way and boom, you're in the club? And if these guys are here building this house, who's taking care of the fucking farm? You know who? Probably god damn robots because I don't know why they'd stop there!
It's not that I don't think that these people should have rights. It's just about principle. If I were amish, and I woke up one day and was like... "Well... I think I'm going to buy a sports car and become a scientist." I don't think I'd keep calling myself Amish. In fact, I think I'd be more like... yeah... I tried that Amish thing. Didn't really work out for me I guess.
I was going to finish up with a paragraph about how I love the amish, but the only thing I could really come up with was how they make a lot of cheese. Aren't there female-rights issues with some groups, and what's with the everyone having the same haircut and growing beards? And look, walking around with amish clothes is fine, we get it, you're amish, we don't care. And the horse and buggy thing, sure. Apparently you can drive a crane but not a car. But please stay off the god damn highway. It's a highway. It was never a simple country path, and it only leads to Walmart. You don't need to be there. It is unsafe for everyone involved.
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