Young Genius

This new job is requiring me to really expand upon my skills. Luckily, this was what I wanted, and I have a great ability to figure things out, which was even recognized by people at a young age. When I was only a small boy, I had an idea for a movie called 'Licking Birdie's Boobie', which was to be about a woman from Licking county who had a Boobie, one of those birds with the blue feet. And the movie would be a great juxtaposition of life since the woman's name is Birdie, and we're comparing events in her life to the events in the bird's life. So you seen, even at a young age my brilliance was apparent. Also I once cracked open a magic 8 ball to see what was inside.

But you see, I'm afraid the real genius has nothing to do with my job at all, but my REAL reason for moving to Indiana. Again, when I was a young child, one of the most fascinating things to me was fables, since some were mystery, but some were real, and who could ever separate the two to know the truth?! One of my favorite fables was the story of men who would travel out west in the early days of our country, in search of gold. But if so many people went out that way, where did they all go? Why have we never found their bones? What became of all those people, entire towns, up and moved into the west, never to be seen again. Well, that, my friends, is not fable at all, but the truth! And I have spent most of my manly years searching for the truth behind this mystery, and I tell you I've found it! These brave men and women and children who went off into the west in search of riches FOUND that gold and treasure! And it was Hoosier Gold. That's right. The largest deposit of gold is located in Indiana, and as soon as I secure permission from the Bloomington City Council to excavate in the basement of the 6th Street Chevron station, I will be the richest man ever to live.

I announce this to the public only now, since today I heard news that a basketball team was searching for Hoosier Gold. Let it be known then that I will not be bested in this, my quest, to unearth a treasure greater than the fountain of youth: Hoosier Gold.

Today, my dream is one step closer to fulfillment.