Don't get me wrong, I've bought diamonds before. They're not all bad. They look neat, shine, are a fashion accessory... but I've also bough mayonnaise, and it's good too. It's white, tastes good, can be turned into a variety of sauces...
The first thing that kills me about diamonds, is how people think they mean something. Like, some African claws it out of a pit for 5 cents a day, it gets polished up, some idiot in America buys it, gives it to his girlfriend, and that's supposed to mean something. And it does. I'll tell you exactly what it means. It means you're an asshole.
I'm not saying diamonds aren't rare. Although I don't think they are. I've never been aware of a diamond shortage. Like I've never been doing something, and I'm like, 'Shit...I need more diamonds, but there just aren't any to be had' or 'I'd love to show you what a diamond looks like, but nobody has a diamond. Not anyone I know, or anyone in the area or state or country.' Even if they are rare, that doesn't mean anything though. I see diamonds all the god damn time. If that makes them rare, then Rhino shit must be like, the rarest substance on earth. I'd love to give that to someone I love. Amber, here, I found this. Rhino shit. Rarest substance on earth. I love you, baby.
So what exactly makes a diamond such a special token of love? Fuck if I know. If being the product of slave labor, being the most common ear-adornment in the world, and looking like glass doesn't make something the very symbol of love, then I don't know what the hell does.
If it wasn't enough for diamonds to be worthless, the gimmicks that the jewelry people come up with to sell this shit is absolutely laughable. One of my favorite tactics is making up new 'cuts' with these awesome names because somebody somewhere suddenly discovered that a diamond is more 'brilliant' if it's cut by some moron in a different shape. Light reflecting and refracting and splitting and doing its thing all up inside of a substance is physics, and the 'perfect cut' or the 'majestic cut' or the 'ideal cut' diamond... look I don't even need to go any farther. If you really believe that crap, jump into a river with a grenade.
I think it was about...5 years ago, that they came out with this three diamond set thing that people just wad all over now. They put three diamonds in a row, and call it Past, Present, and Future. You see, it's simple. The diamonds represent the past, present, and the future, and by giving them to a loved one, you... well, you know. Something. It means specialness. Yeah, that's it. First off, that's crap. Three diamonds together represents three different aspects of time. Sure. And three bong hits represent the three pillars of agriculture. And my ass, that represents the freedom of China. And the moon represents healthy eating. God, talk about bullshit. But people love it. They eat that shit up like... well... like mayonnaise.
So the three diamond thing was great, but now, even better, we've got seven diamonds together, which represents the journey. No, we don't specify. Apparently the relationship journey, or whatever the hell that means, you know. Shit, it doesn't even matter. People will buy it.
Anyway. If you want diamonds, go for it. I'm not gonna stop you. And it's not like you have anything better to spend your money on. Buy the biggest chunk of that rock you can, and give it to ol' Bessy Sue-Jane or whatever the hell you call her. It's sure to signify your undying love, or the concept of time, or the journey of the indians, or whatever the shit they make up. Just know that when I compliment you on the size of that rock, and I'm giving you a blank stare, it's because you're a moron, you jackass.
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