Lessons Learned
There are a series of weapons you should go for if ever accosted. They are, in order from best to least great:
Guns (Including Nail Guns)
A Flamethrower
Sword and full armor
just a sword
A Whip (If you're good with a whip)
Strange unconventional weapons, like two spiked balls tied together, or some kind of staff
Rope
Soft foam bats
A Poster
A Small thing like a tissue box
Nothing
Also Rocks, but rocks can be of a variety of usefulness depending on the situation, so can not be put in order. Also kung-fu, because if you're really good, you can defeat anyone, but if you're like, faking it, then it's probably not even as good as a soft foam bat.
8 Hours for work, 8 Hours for sleep, 8 Hours for what we will.
You can make any noun a proper noun by insisting it is a proper noun.
Important things to learn are how to walk, how to ride a bike, how to drive, and special licenses. The woods can be a treacherous place, like once I saw a opossum, but with proper wilderness survival training, anything is possible, even living in the woods! This will be handy if ever you have to hide from the law. Always go deep into the forest, but not so deep that there are bears. Live near water, so you can get fish, because apparently there are lots of those, but it might be hard to always find a raccoon to spear. If a mushroom looks harmless to eat, it probably is. Cooking will be difficult in the woods, so bring enough stuff to make fire, sure, but they have really cheap ass grills at Lowes or Home Depot that will be awesome to have, and you could use it like a backpack, or if you got a really big one you'd just be a dumbass.
Spell checkers will be our downfall. Because you can never trust the spell checker, because it doesn't know a lot of swear words like fecus, and so it will try to change it to faces which could be really bad, and also they recognize some words that aren't real. Also, sometimes it doesn't say anything is misspelled, so you send your email off like a dumbass, not realizing that you meant to type does, but you typed dose, and you look like a stupid bastard because you typed the wrong word and sent it. So to be better, we should just disable the spell checker, and learn to proof read our shit, because at least that way we'd know who couldn't fucking write, and we'd all just learn to be ok with it. Fuck, half the people on the internet can't spell for shit. Anyone who does that HAI!!!!! R U CMING 2 T HS 2 D ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ I hope when they die they shit their pants.
If somebody has a shady job, don't trust them. They're probably up to something shady. Most doctors are probably shady. Vampires are 50/50. Never tell the military that you have an unbreakable code, because they'll probably bug you forever to get it from you. You'll have to make something up and they'll catch you in a lie!
Use the right tool for the right job. If you ever catch yourself trying to use a tool for a wrong job, you're a dumbass. Put that down and go get a real screw driver. You just look like a dumbass doing it wrong.
Respect is mainly based on luck. Keep track of how much each person respects you, so you know the status.
It's pretty easy to pretend you have like, a 6th sense, by just insisting that you do, but make it something obvious, like you can sense when you're watching tv. People will be like, no, you can see and hear the tv, so those are normal senses, and you just insist that you can tell when you're watching tv some other way, that you just can't explain. You just KNOW it.
It's better to have a job than to not have a job. And then it's better to have a higher paying job than a lower paying one, and finally it's better to have a good job than one that sucks. Try to follow these guidelines when getting a job.
Metal is one of the strongest materials known to man. There are a lot of other strong ones though, so keep that in mind. The ground has boron in it, and it's pretty strong.
Don't build in a floodplain, dumbasses.
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