The hofbrauhaus in Newport is a good place to go for beers and yelling a lot, but parking in Newport is always such a bitch, because of all the god damn assholes who go there. Fortunately, the hofbrauhaus has a parking lot, where they will valet park your car for $5. This is a major plus, because I never have to worry about where to park. The key point here, is that I pull up to the hofbrauhaus, get out of my car, hand a valet $5, and he literally parks my car, literally, 10 feet from where I got out. Literally. It would be possible to park closer, even, but the first two spaces are generally full already. So what's my issue?
I'm not tipping you, for motherfucking parking my car right in front of me. In fact, I'll tip your ass if you just get out of the fucking way, and let me park myself. Please don't think me to be cheap! I'm normally a generous tipper, but a tip depends upon a level of service, and moving my car 10 feet is not a service. Fuck, it takes me longer to park because of the god damn valet service. If motherfuckers took my $5 and got out of the way, that's a service I would pay for. $7 to get your dumb ass out of my way so I can park. Just tack your tip on to that.
Ok, so to the point, here's how you recognize when you're about to NOT get a tip for 'valeting':
You stand there like a moron while I don't give you any money.
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