Hey everybody. Sorry I've been slacking a little on the writing lately, but there's been a lot going on. I've been meaning to continue my biography, but haven't really had the time to sit down and really compose my thoughts.
One thing I have noticed lately, however, is these fucking Bugaboo strollers, which is major annoying. Why have I noticed strollers? I fucking don't know, but everywhere I go, god damn Bugaboo strollers. In stores, online, fucking in little ad bars on pages I'm looking at... and what exactly has gotten me sucked into the demographic of dumb motherfuckers who buy stupid shit?
I'm going to point out a few things that make you a dumbass if you've bought one of these. Don't take offense! It's not my fault you spend money like an shit head.
First off, I guess the great thing about these, is that you put your baby in this little baby-holder unit, and then you can put it in the stroller, but then you can detach the unit from the stroller, and like... put it in a car seat holder, or I don't know. Some other dumb shit. Just set it somewhere. Anyway, I know we live in the laziest country in the world, and we've got more fat-asses now than ever, but... your baby is a small person. It is not a modular fucking system. Keeping it attached to this one unit for 90% of your day because you're a lazy god damn moron isn't going to help matters. Also, your baby is going to grow up to be retarded, but that's genetic, and unrelated to the Bugaboo.
Secondly, when I was a kid, my stroller faced away from the person pushing it. This had the advantage of... oh... I don't know... me being able to see shit. This bugaboo stroller has the kid facing you, which is great for you, because your dumbass is walking along, looking at shit, and you can look at the baby too. How nice for you. Selfish piece of shit. Did you ever stop to think that something like the wonders of nature might be more interesting to the baby than your shit-eating grin? Probably not, if you bought this piece of crap.
Finally, the accessories for this fucking system are enough to make me shit. $30 for a cup holder. For your retarded stroller. So your baby can watch you fucking drink while it's facing the wrong way. In the past, people with too much money could buy cocaine, and then things would eventually and naturally even themselves out when said person died in a nightclub bathroom. This new shit doesn't have the same wonderful effect, and people just keep on going.
Really... if the company that makes these just gets them out of my face, I'll appreciate it.
As amusing as your post is... I find it to be vular and ignorantly written.
ReplyDeleteMy take? You are a needlessly angry man and desparately needs to forgive his parents. You are attracted to these strollers because you, as strange as it may seem, really want to have kids and really want to push your retarded (as you mentioned...not the bugaboos fault) child around.
Good luck in your quest! May your swimmers have strength and may you collect enough change to afford one.
Peace,
Does not own a bugaboo but holds no ill-will toward strollers
Why thank you, sir or ma'am! To entertain is my goal, and that you have read my work brings great honor to me.
ReplyDeleteI have actually never seen the aforementioned stroller, so your summary of my post is probably very accurate.