Advice to the Ladies

There are a lot of things a young lady can do to make herself more attractive, you know? Like maybe wear some nice clothes, put on some eye liner, get some kind of fun hair thing going on, etc. But there are some thing that you just shouldn't do.

One of those things is getting that chin piercing type thing. Not the lip thing, but where they get a little stud or whatever right below the lip, in the middle. There's probably a name for it, but the net is strange enough that I don't feel compelled to search through various body piercing sites to get the proper term.

Anyway, first off, say you're out at Bravos having a nice dinner, and your date has this chin piercing thing. So you guys order some wine, and have salad to start out, and then some lobster penne or something nice like that, and then finish it up with some cheese cake, and the whole time, your date has her dinner leaking out of her chin cause she's elected to put a hole there. And there's like, green juicy shit from the salad, and like, some kind of stringy shit, and you don't even know where that came from, and maybe she wipes up her nasty ass chin sauce with her napkin, but then you can't use yours because you just think about it covered in mouth-sauce, and the whole thing goes down hill.

Secondly, the girl can't be too smart, because she could never have a job working with high powered electromagnetic devices, because they'd suck that thing right out of her chin. Unless she got some kind of plastic thing to stick in there, which is just not classy, and it's like...what was your initial idea, because I'm not seeing it.

Finally, the positioning, even if you weren't leakin' spit and salad all over and getting things torn out of your face because you're a scientist, is horrible. It's like, "I'm a chick, and as thus can not grow facial hair, so I will pierce my chin in a goatee-type-spot, so that everyone who looks at me will have to picture me with a tiny chin beard, at least for a second." That's really attractive. Not.

So anyway, to sum it up: ladies, it's ok to be extreme, but think about what you're doing anyway. Like, a tattoo can be nice, but if it's of three midgets fighting over a pie, and you have it on your cheek, then it's not so great. You go ahead and get things pierced, just try to avoid anything that's going to get all grody, and avoid making people think about you with a beard, mustache, or other undesirable facial features.

That's public service, brought to you by Big Dave.