Crysis

I was looking over the info for the game Crysis on Wikipedia and came across this line:

"In Crysis, the player fights both North Korean, and extraterrestrial enemies..."

That just tickled me.  The way I read that, it implies that those are the two general types of enemies.  And you get to fight both of them.  Kinda like, "What kind of music do you usually have here?"  "We got both kinds!  Country, and western!"

What could have been

The year is drawing to a close, and those of you who know me know that I am now a consultant.  It's this time of year I like to look back on everything that's happened, and reflect on what is, and what could have been.  While I have chosen the path of a consultant, that was certainly not my only consideration.  Here's just a few of my other options:

Kindergarden Cop: While I do have a computer science degree and enough technical knowledge to fill a pamphlet, computers aren't my only passion.  I also love justice, and what better place to dish it out than in Kindergarden?  First off, the kids are younger, so your justice can have a bigger impact.  Secondly, the kids are like, small, so you can basically stomp on them if they get out of hand.  Tertiarily, there has never been a greater need for cops in school, because kids are shooting each other and themselves like, every week.  "Billy, put those guns down!"    Book em, Dan o'

Bounty Hunter: Often while I was sitting in the computer lab pulling a 40-minute-er, I'd think, 'wow, I could ditch all of this, and just run off and become a bounty hunter.  No more tests, no more lab things, just me and the bounties'.  It was a good thought, and I think I would have made an excellent bounty hunter.  You see, most people think it's just about beating people down and breaking doors, but being a bounty hunter is all about being social, and resourceful, because the hardest part of the job is figuring out what the hell you're supposed to be doing.  Like, as a programmer, I'm often told to make something do something, but as a bounty hunter, you don't know what you're supposed to do at all!  You can't just grab the first person you see and take em' in, because odds are they're not bountied.  So... yeah.

Stretch Armstrong: There have been so many times when I could have used stretch armstrong.  Not like, THE stretch armstrong, but just a stretch armstrong.  Not the toy, either.  Like, if I drop something while I'm walking over a grate, and I can't get what I dropped, just stretch that shit down in there and get it.  Or if there's something on a shelf that I can't reach, or if a guardrail is broken and someone needs to stretch between the two posts and keep cars from going off the road.  Was I the right man for the job?  Probably.

Bowyer: I've played enough games and been in the hunting section of walmart enough to know a lot about bows and bow construction, as well as bow operation.  Here, it's not an issue of whether or not I would be a Master Bowyer.  I would be.  But it's an issue of if we actually need more bows.  Now that castles are rarely under siege, and police use tazers and batons and guns, and highwaymen aren't really common, the demand for bows has diminished.  Even my high-quality bows are generally unneeded.  And so again, I pass.

That's just a sampling of the things I had to consider before taking this position.  I think things will turn out pretty well over all.  Other people will fill the positions I have declined, and perhaps people more fit for those positions.  Probably not.  My The Ultimate Skills Of The Worker can't just be thrown around all willy-nilly though.

Diamonds are for cheap

The number of things about diamonds that piss me off to no end are almost without limit.  Diamonds signify such a combination of waste, idiocy, carelessness, stupidity, and gullibility, that I am positively dumbfounded that so many diamond retailers can stay in business.

Don't get me wrong, I've bought diamonds before.  They're not all bad.  They look neat, shine, are a fashion accessory... but I've also bough mayonnaise, and it's good too.  It's white, tastes good, can be turned into a variety of sauces...

The first thing that kills me about diamonds, is how people think they mean something.  Like, some African claws it out of a pit for 5 cents a day, it gets polished up, some idiot in America buys it, gives it to his girlfriend, and that's supposed to mean something.  And it does.  I'll tell you exactly what it means.  It means you're an asshole.

I'm not saying diamonds aren't rare.  Although I don't think they are.  I've never been aware of a diamond shortage.  Like I've never been doing something, and I'm like, 'Shit...I need more diamonds, but there just aren't any to be had' or 'I'd love to show you what a diamond looks like, but nobody has a diamond.  Not anyone I know, or anyone in the area or state or country.'  Even if they are rare, that doesn't mean anything though.  I see diamonds all the god damn time.  If that makes them rare, then Rhino shit must be like, the rarest substance on earth.  I'd love to give that to someone I love.  Amber, here, I found this.  Rhino shit.  Rarest substance on earth.  I love you, baby.

So what exactly makes a diamond such a special token of love?  Fuck if I know.  If being the product of slave labor, being the most common ear-adornment in the world, and looking like glass doesn't make something the very symbol of love, then I don't know what the hell does.

If it wasn't enough for diamonds to be worthless, the gimmicks that the jewelry people come up with to sell this shit is absolutely laughable.  One of my favorite tactics is making up new 'cuts' with these awesome names because somebody somewhere suddenly discovered that a diamond is more 'brilliant' if it's cut by some moron in a different shape.  Light reflecting and refracting and splitting and doing its thing all up inside of a substance is physics, and the 'perfect cut' or the 'majestic cut' or the 'ideal cut' diamond... look I don't even need to go any farther.  If you really believe that crap, jump into a river with a grenade.

I think it was about...5 years ago, that they came out with this three diamond set thing that people just wad all over now.  They put three diamonds in a row, and call it Past, Present, and Future.  You see, it's simple.  The diamonds represent the past, present, and the future, and by giving them to a loved one, you... well, you know.  Something.  It means specialness.  Yeah, that's it.  First off, that's crap.  Three diamonds together represents three different aspects of time.  Sure.  And three bong hits represent the three pillars of agriculture.  And my ass, that represents the freedom of China.  And the moon represents healthy eating.  God, talk about bullshit.  But people love it.  They eat that shit up like... well... like mayonnaise.

So the three diamond thing was great, but now, even better, we've got seven diamonds together, which represents the journey.  No, we don't specify.  Apparently the relationship journey, or whatever the hell that means, you know.  Shit, it doesn't even matter.  People will buy it.

Anyway.  If you want diamonds, go for it.  I'm not gonna stop you.  And it's not like you have anything better to spend your money on.  Buy the biggest chunk of that rock you can, and give it to ol' Bessy Sue-Jane or whatever the hell you call her.  It's sure to signify your undying love, or the concept of time, or the journey of the indians, or whatever the shit they make up.  Just know that when I compliment you on the size of that rock, and I'm giving you a blank stare, it's because you're a moron, you jackass.

Friendly Holiday Travel Reminder

Note to Self

I don't remember being younger than 11 really, but I think I was afraid of dogs when I was really little. This makes sense, because they have teeth and bite you, which is how they kill. I think I got over this because my parents got a dog for us, which was half Boxer and half Rotweiler. Her name was Sophie, and she was like, 100 pounds. So now when people think their scrawny little pitbull is all fierce, I put them in their place by grabbing it, and punching it in the face.

So note to self: when I have kids, I have to get a big-ass scary dog for them.

Understudyin'

I never auditioned for the lead role in a play. And therefore, I never got the role, but if I ever did audition and got to be an understudy, I would totally not even pay attention to the play at all. Like, I'd show up for practice and whatnot, but I'd basically just zone out the whole time, and I'd never read the script.

You see, most people don't understand the actual role of the understudy. If somebody gets a role for a play, it's their job to act out that role. The main character should act out the main character. The understudy...should act out the understudy. That's the job.

When the main person, or whoever, gets killed or dies or whatever, and has to be in the hospital for a while, people go to the play, and they're like, 'The main character isn't here, I wonder what this understudy is like', and of course, you're high, because you've been smoking it up back stage for like, an hour, and you don't even know what the play is about. That's the magic of it. Understudy is actually the single most important role in a play, because everyone has seen Much Ado About Nothing, but how many people have seen somebody totally improv an entire roll? Yeah. It's better.

File Names

I get a lot of homework, and messages, and documents, and files from all kinds of people. It's easy to tell who uses what for their OS based just on file names, and I mean more than *.exe being a windows file:

Pretend you have a set of slides for chapter 13 of some class you're teaching...
Mac people will give their files good names, and generally use proper case. A mac file might be:
Chapter 13 - Algorithmic Classifications

A Windows person would name the same file:
chpt13.ppt or CHPT13algcls.ppt or something like that.

And then a Linux person would just name it:
_13chpt$T4ht2@.perl.bak_@@ or some crazy goofy crap like that, and the entire presentation would be given in emacs.

Google RE<C

I got all giddy when I read this article. Google is so cool, I could just... I don't know. Stab someone. Setting their resources to a project like this, Google will undoubtedly put a big chunk of the energy and pollution issue to rest.

This is all thanks to my work at Google, by the way.

Big Dave's Guide To Football

Football is the great American passtime, and with the winter weather upon us, there's never been a better time than now to start playing this wonderful sport. Football is challenging, good exercise, and a great way to compete with people. But how to get started? You're going to need some equipment first off, so head down to your local sports store:


Football Helmet - This is the first piece of equipment you need, and the most important. It is easy to be injured in football due to the nature of the game, and people smashing into each other. Not only that, but your helmet indicates which team you play for, so you need one that's got a good name and a stylish logo. The helmet will also come with a mouth guard tied to it with some kind of string, which is also important so that your teeth stay well aligned and safe. In the past, leather was the preferred material for football helmets, but now people generally buy real helmets. The choice is yours.

Neck Brace - The neck brace is the second most important piece of equipment a foot ball player can have, because it keeps the neck from getting all broken. Just make sure you buy the right size. It should be the same as your collar, or neck.

Pads - Football is a game of fast action and contact, so the more pads you have, the more action you can take. Just remember that this will be a trade off, because if you wear too many pads, you don't know what is going on around you because you are sheltered from the outside world. Some of the best pros play with no pads at all so that they can tell where they are being tackled and if the ball has hit them.

A Football - Not every player needs their own football, but if you all show up without one, then you can only play a game like touch football, or red rover, which are also pretty cool. So be the big man or woman, and show up with your own ball to ensure that the game can go on. Footballs are made out of pig skin, which is why they are sometimes called a pig skin. Also, they are filled with different material to determine how they throw. If you are a beginner, get one filled with yarn or threat. Advanced players usually have ones filled with clay or yams.

Now that you've got the right gear, here's how to play the game:

Football consists of two teams of 12 players each. The players start by vollying for serve. This is done by each team getting to their opposing side of the field, and one team throws the ball into the middle. The first team to get the ball wins the serve.

Now, both teams line up in the middle of the field, with the serving team having the ball. Most of the players will be called Line Backers, and they will line up facing another player from the other team. The two special players on each team are the Quarterback, who throws the ball the first time, and the runner.

Football is a game of strategy as well as strength. When the players are all lined up, with the quarterback behind the line of people, the quarterback must make a strategy. There are several coded commands he can give to tell what the game will be like. These terms are as follows:

Blue 22 - This means that the runner must run from one side of the field to the other. This tricks the other team if he is fast enough, because he will be somewhere unexpected, giving him the upper hand.

Hut - This is like 'pass', in that nobody does anything, but wait for the ball to get thrown.

Blue 17 - This is a throwing move, where the quarterback will throw the ball to an open player.

Set - This means that the player will set the ball on the ground, and charge forward to try and get an extra tackle.

Blue 42 - This is a dodge move, where the players will try to get past the other players and get to the other side

Down - This means everyone get crouched down low for the attack.

Hike - This is when the player throws a short throw to another player to catch the ball.

Omaha - This is an offensive move, where the players will try to push the other players to one side and get through.

These are most of the commands used, but not all. When it is time for the round to begin, this is called a 'play', and the quarterback will yell one or more of these commands. Some examples are as follows:

Hut, Hut, Hike - This is a basic strategy where the quarterback tries to fool the other team with two passes, then makes a quick throw to another player.

Blue 22, Blue 22 - This is a stealth strategy that can only be used if the runner is fast. This means to run across the field twice, to try and evade the other team so they have no idea where you are. Then, the time is right for a pass.

Down, Blue 42, Set - This means to get down on the attack, hit the players hard, and just ignore the ball. This is more of an advanced move which might leave the ball vulnerable, but can be worth it if you tackle all the other players.

Once you have a strategy set, yell it out, and everyone will do what you've said. There are 5 ways to score in football, and you need to keep them all in mind to get the most poinst:

The most common score is 7 points for a touchdown. This is when you run the ball all the way to the other side of the field.

When you make a touchdown, you also get a chance for another point, called the kick. This is where one player holds the ball, and another player kicks it, charlie-brown style. This gets you one more point if you make it.

The down is another way to score, where if the other team can't score for 4 tries, then you automatically score 3 points

The punt is another score, where you kick the ball to the other side of the field for three points. This is a good play, but not as good as a touchdown.

Finally, the tackle is where some of the players slip past the other players, and tackle the guy with the ball for one point. If this is done enough times, then the ball goes to the other team.

Football is divided into two sections, called halves, and each half is 45 minutes. After both halves, the team with the highest score wins! If there is a tie, then everyone keeps playing until someone gets more points.

There you have it, your introduction to Football, American style! Not everyone can be a MVP, but everyone can have fun, as long as you play smart, and safe. Enjoy!

Amazon Kindle - Uninspired

If you haven't seen the new Kindle from Amazon.com yet, check it out. Not because you're going to want one, but because it's so bad, it deserves attention for it.

Let me preface this by saying I'm a fan of Amazon, and I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors, but this is...bad.

The kindle is basically an e-book reader with wireless support for downloads, but you don't need me to tell you that, because you already looked at it like I told you to. The things wrong with this device...

Let me start with the look and style of the Kindle. It undeniably looks like other handhelds we've all seen...from the 80s. I can only guess that they thought the white color would be such a great idea based on apple's success with it. The target demographic has to be older folk, which might be scared off by black, steel, or 'color'. The buttons are clunky, and remind me of the original Nintendo controller, and the whole unit seems to have a junked up interface. If you really want to make it friendly to older people, use the extra half-inch on the top and middle of the keyboard to make those keys bigger. And turning them sideways? That might be acceptable if it was done to save space, but the even margins around the keys obviously indicate that wasn't the point. Finally, the angular look of the whole thing...it's just an eyesore! If I hadn't heard of the kindle, and I saw someone holding one, I'd be just as apt to guess it was some type of blood-sugar monitoring device as an e-book reader. I'd be embarrassed to be carrying one around.

I already ragged on the interface a little bit, mentioning the keyboard which apparently was completely neglected by any design team, but that's not where the fun ends. Particularly after the introduction of Apple's iPod Touch and iPhone, if I buy a pricy hand held device, it better have a touch screen. Heck, forget the iPhone; how long has palm been making devices with touch screens? 11 years. So how do we navigate on the Kindle? A chunky keyboard and a scroll wheel. Tell me that middle age to old people are good with scroll wheels, and I'll knock your god damn eye out with my mother's mouse, because you're wrong, and they are not. Heck, even blackberry is getting away from the scroll wheel in favor of a ball.

I have mixed feelings about the display. It's a non-backlit display which is only black and white. Not knowing the technical details of how it works, I can't insist that color be included, particularly since the main purpose is simple text, but I also can't say it wouldn't be nice. The display does work well in sunlight or indoors, however, which is a major plus, and text is resizeable, although I'd hardly tout that as a feature. That's like saying the steering wheel on your car is a feature. No, it's just supposed to be there. Finally, the unit may be fast or slow, the connection may be fast or slow, but the display is sure as hell slow. In Amazon's video, sometimes it takes the screen half a second to switch pages. So despite that cool scroll wheel, you're sure as shit not going to be scrolling, hence those nifty 'next page' buttons. Way around the problem...

Content delivery. Of course you can download books from Amazon, and read blogs and news (this is called The Internet, Amazon), but there's more! If you have word documents you want to keep on it, you can email it to your Kindle, and "For a small charge, Amazon will convert it so you can view it." I literally had to shit after reading that. I have to PAY, to have Amazon put my documents in some fucked up format so that I can keep them on my Kindle. I have a friend who works at Amazon, but I will literally walk through their office with my pants down, so that anyone who wants to can kiss my ass, because that's not going to happen, and anyone who is stupid enough to pay Amazon for this 'service' can get in line too.

They say that Kindle has the capacity to hold over 200 books, blogs, and such. I'm not sure what this actually amount to in memory, but I'm guessing 2GB, and you can expand that with an SD memory card. 2gig isn't exactly a lot these days, but since it's just text we're storing, I think it's sufficient, given the Sd card for expansion.

Ok ok, so you might be thinking I've been hard on the Kindle, and need to lighten up, after all, the average e-book reader might not have the strictest requirements. It downloads books, and you can read them, right? So how much is this going to cost us? $30, plus downloads? $100 plus downloads? $250? Here's why I've been rough:

Price: $400
Books: ~$10 each
Being able to read your own fucking documents: "A small charge"

Four Hundred fucking dollars for this piece of shit. Fuck. That's as much as a fucking iPhone. I realize the cost of the wireless support is built into the price, but holy shit. You can buy a laptop for $400, and you can bet your ass it supports all the crap the Kindle does.

So basically, if you're an old fucker who has too much money, and wants to be frustrated by a cheap plastic piece of shit with a fucked up interface, jump on board. I'll wait for about ANYTHING else.

Christian Radio Boycott

This marks the fourth consecutive week that I have contacted local Christian radio stations with information from my dreams, given to me by God, that the world was going to end on Tuesday. This also marks the fourth week in a row that my warnings have gone unheeded by said stations, who refuse to air the news of the second coming. Granted, my previous predictions of rapture proved to be not 100% accurate, but that doesn't make the messages given to me in my dreams any less real or important.

In light of this refusal and show of ignorance by Christian radio, I have been given no choice, but to institute a boycott of all Christian radio until the End of Days.

It will not be easy to remove this massive source of quality entertainment and education from my daily life, but I am a man of strong will and stamina, so I will prevail.

Saudi Arabia

If you haven't been watching the news lately, Saudi Arabia is a country of senseless animals. I know that seems like a broad generalization, but I watched a 3-hour documentary on camels, and they're about as dumb as dumb can be.

Also, this man's facial hair for sure smells like a homeless person's pubes:

I am not interested in traveling to Saudi Arabia to verify or see evidence to counter my claim.

Sexiest Man Alive...

People Magazine announced a new Sexiest Man...and it's Matt Damon. I am insulted.

I am not the best looking guy in the world. Ohio, maybe. But to call Matt Damon the sexiest man...that's just wrong, particularly when you look at the last two: George Clooney, and Brad Pitt. Both awesome guys who make Matt Damon look like a little kid. I'm sorry if you're reading this, Matt, but it's the truth. I'm not saying you're an ugly dude, but come on, you know the truth.

One of my friends mentioned that it must be related to the whole Borne Identity thing, which is no excuse. For each Borne movie he puts out, there are 2 others where it's like...I dunno. I'm not impressed. And after the way he ran around like an idiot all through Team America: World Police makes it an even more blatantly incorrect choice.

Making it Official

Okay, so I already said I was working for Sogeti, but I've still been interviewing, and I finally turned the paperwork in today, so it's official. I'm a consultant. Their biggest clients are IBM and P&G in the area, I'm told, so it's likely I could head down to one of them. Other possibilities are, of course, any of the financial companies in the area, including Fidelity, who I also interviewed with, and Kroger, which apparently is a crappy place to work.

Oh, speaking of...Sogeti has been in the running for Best Place To Work in Cincinnati for the last...several years, and I think they made the top 5 this year. Which is good, unless they go down hill in 08. We'll see.

Black and White in unclear about development and progress

Since the game first came out, I have put days and days into playing the game, and developing my creature, and the only thing he is good at is getting his ass beat.

I can only hope that Black and White 2 better developed the whole creature development model. That is all.

I am Employed!

I accepted a job! I am going to be working for Sogeti. What is Sogeti, you might ask? What...you don't have Internet access? You can't click on the link? Gah...what do I pay you for?

Sogeti is a consulting company, and I will be a consultant. They do a lot of Microsoft type stuff, and my company laptop will likely run windows...which isn't great...but they also have a Java segment, and that is what I will be working with initially! So yay! Things are good.

Advice to the Ladies

There are a lot of things a young lady can do to make herself more attractive, you know? Like maybe wear some nice clothes, put on some eye liner, get some kind of fun hair thing going on, etc. But there are some thing that you just shouldn't do.

One of those things is getting that chin piercing type thing. Not the lip thing, but where they get a little stud or whatever right below the lip, in the middle. There's probably a name for it, but the net is strange enough that I don't feel compelled to search through various body piercing sites to get the proper term.

Anyway, first off, say you're out at Bravos having a nice dinner, and your date has this chin piercing thing. So you guys order some wine, and have salad to start out, and then some lobster penne or something nice like that, and then finish it up with some cheese cake, and the whole time, your date has her dinner leaking out of her chin cause she's elected to put a hole there. And there's like, green juicy shit from the salad, and like, some kind of stringy shit, and you don't even know where that came from, and maybe she wipes up her nasty ass chin sauce with her napkin, but then you can't use yours because you just think about it covered in mouth-sauce, and the whole thing goes down hill.

Secondly, the girl can't be too smart, because she could never have a job working with high powered electromagnetic devices, because they'd suck that thing right out of her chin. Unless she got some kind of plastic thing to stick in there, which is just not classy, and it's like...what was your initial idea, because I'm not seeing it.

Finally, the positioning, even if you weren't leakin' spit and salad all over and getting things torn out of your face because you're a scientist, is horrible. It's like, "I'm a chick, and as thus can not grow facial hair, so I will pierce my chin in a goatee-type-spot, so that everyone who looks at me will have to picture me with a tiny chin beard, at least for a second." That's really attractive. Not.

So anyway, to sum it up: ladies, it's ok to be extreme, but think about what you're doing anyway. Like, a tattoo can be nice, but if it's of three midgets fighting over a pie, and you have it on your cheek, then it's not so great. You go ahead and get things pierced, just try to avoid anything that's going to get all grody, and avoid making people think about you with a beard, mustache, or other undesirable facial features.

That's public service, brought to you by Big Dave.

Idiocracy / Beauty Pagent Intelligence

If you haven't seen the movie 'Idiocracy', please do. It's pretty damn funny, but more importantly, it says something about the intellectual decline of our country.

Here's a neat little site featuring the 10 Dumbest Beauty Pagent Answers of all time. The site is a little iffy. I personally don't see how they could have narrowed it down to just 10. More likely, they just took the time to find 10 examples, so don't take this as an official ranking.

Depot Memories - Tipping

This isn't racist because it's true. And if you disagree, you're a racist:

When I used to work at Office Depot, I always liked helping the foreign people pick out printers and computers and stuff, because they'd try to haggle the price (which you just can't do...), but when I carried stuff out to their cars for them, they'd try to give me money. That was a nice thing to do. Especially after I did not haggle with them.

I'm so damn busy that I don't have time to write. Stay tuned.

NyQuil Sucks

Let the record show that it is currently 2:14AM, and not only am I still awake, but I can barely breathe through my nose. I quote from Wikipedia:

Because all of the medications within the NyQuil imprint contain sedating antihistamines and/or hypnotics, they are typically taken at night, just before bedtime.

Yes, I did that, and no, it has had no sedating effect, and I haven't hypnotized shit since I took it.

The 50% Rule

From class, one of my professors addressing the class:

I'm just as smart, if not smarter, than 50% of you, but 50% of you are probably 50% smarter than me!

Ninja Skills

I have a very special story for all of you today.

So I was walking down the hall today, and two grad students were walking in front of me. One was carrying 4 big ass drinks, and the other had a pizza. So they're walking down the hall, and the one carrying the drinks drops a straw, and doesn't notice it. So I snag the straw, and while he's trying to get in the door to the grad lab, I sneak the straw back on top of the drinks. The dude never even saw me.

So then the other grad student is like, "Hey, you want some pizza?", obviously impressed with my stealthy skills. I had to decline, sadly, because I was on the run to my next class, but that's just a taste of how sneaky I can be. Even impresses the grad students. Not that I like to brag...

Knockin' Those Turtle Boots

2000 Eclipse Center Speaker Replacement

Hey everyone. I've been so busy, my google updates will continue midway through next week. For now, I'm just posting a bit of knowledge here for others to stumble upon, since I couldn't find any god damn instructions and had to bake in the hot sun in my car for about 30 minutes longer than I should have had to.

Replacing the center speaker in a 2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse is not a difficult task, and requires only a short phillips head screwdriver, and a little muscle.

There are two screws located at the bottom of the center dash cover. Remove these screws using your short phillips screwdriver. The cover is now held in place by two clips at the top of the console, just below the clock. Pull strait back on the dash cover, and the clips will pop out, and the dash cover will be almost loose. Watch for the two metal clips to fly off of the cover as you remove it. You don't absolutely need these clips, but to do the job right, you'll want to make sure you don't lose them.

There will still be a cable connecting the hazard light button to the rest of the car. I recommend unplugging this cable from the console cover to make things easier.

The housing over the clock display now slides forward, however it is held in place by two more clips, and has to be muscled out. Pull the clock housing straight back, and with a little muscle, the clips will release and the housing will be removed.

The speaker is now visible behind the clock. You can remove the clock to make things easier. Unplug the cable leading to the speaker, and simply pull the center speaker straight out, looking at the speaker orientation as you do. Place the new speaker in using the same orientation, plug it back in, and start reassembling your car!

EDIT: Ok, I also submitted this to Answers.com, which might be a little more visible. Still, I live my life in my own way if I want, so if you don't like what I write, then I bite my thumb at you.

Google Blog - Indespensable

So I showed up to work this morning at 10, and everyone was wondering where I was yesterday! I'm already so important. Being here is like, pretty amazing. Today I got to meet people who work in the satelite mapping division, and see some of the new technologies they're developing, like a giant 3d globe that updates in real time to changes in terrain. I wanted to take some pictures of it for you guys since it's like, 3 stories tall and if you get really close you can see all the tiny buildings and if there's a big fire somewhere or a football game going on, but they said I couldn't take pictures since it was secret, so I just pretended to call my aunt Jamima and took more covert pictures. This is really the only one that came out at all. I got the fly the satelites for a few minutes, and OH MY GOD! I almost crashed two of them together. Nah, I'm just kidding. I didn't break anything. Yet.

So today I figure I need to start doing something with all the computers in my office. I don't really have any good ideas yet. I thought about making some kind of crazy server, but we already have thousands of those, and I thought about just putting Quake2 on every one and making like, a game lab, but we already have one of those in another building, they tell me. Anyway, I'll come up with something.

That's all for now! I've got to get to work using the greatest minds in the universe to come up with amazing new ideas!

Google Blog - Minor Setbacks

Hey everyone. First off, an apology for not posting more and sooner today. Allow me to explain:

I didn't really get much sleep last night, because at about 3:30 in the freakin morning, the neighbors cat clawed its way through the screen in my window and into my room, and just started tearing all my stuff up and shitting everywhere. I finally got it tazered and put it back outside like, an hour and a half later. So anyway, this morning I was all out of sorts and I couldn't remember where I put my directions to google HQ, and I didn't feel like Googling up a map, so I just left and figured I could find it. Well, I couldn't, and like, after driving around for 2 hours, I stopped at a jack in the box for a beer and a burger, and then figured I might as well ask for directions. So I find this woman walking down the street and stop to ask her for directions, but just as I was opening my mouth I started to choke on my burger, and I think she must have thought I was rabid or something because she maced me.

So anyway, I would have called my work-partner Rex and told him that I wasn't coming in, but by that time it was already 5, so I said screw it and headed back home. Hopefully I'll have better updates tomorrow.

Google Blog - Search Work

Here at google they feel like it's best if I use my skill of the scientist to determine where I can be most effective on my own. I noticed early on that while lots of people were programming and drawing diagrams and whatnot, but not so many people were searching, so I figured that's a niche I could fill. Anyway, I spent most of the day searching for free music, and this is what I came up with. Have a gander:



Once I'm done browsing YouTube I'm going to head home. Now that's what I call the successful first day.

Google Blog - Getting Settled

I wanted to get an early start on things my first day here at Google, so I decided to show up at 10:00. Already the campus is buzzing with activity as massive brains solve problems and create the search engines of the future.

We don't have bosses or managers here, and I was greeted by my work-partner Rex Stamen who helped me pick out my work area. He asked what kind of setup I wanted, to which I simply replied 'A Bazillion Computers'. He tried to argue that a bazillion wasn't even a real number, but I set him strait by telling him that a google isn't a real number either, but we're working for it, and to shut the hell up. So here I am! I haven't bothered to count how many computers I have yet, but it's probably a bazillion.

In an effort to set a good example and save power and resources, I'm not going to turn any of them on. I also complained about the florescent lighting. It really bugs my eyes, so I'm going to try and find a mop to reach up there and knock them all out.

My Google Blog

Ever wondered what it's like to work at Google? Wondered how the big dogs play while you're pecking away at a keyboard in your cubicle? Well wonder no more, because thanks to my awesome skills of a negotiator, and my camera phone, I'll be taking you inside of Google for a glimpse of the good life.

As I begin my ultra fast sprint style deluxe internship at Google, I'll be blogging in real-time about how business gets done when the largest minds in the world are all put into one building, giving you the inside scoop on what kinds of awesome projects are going on, and how they're getting done!

So follow me now, as I begin my learning and working experience inside the most mysterious building in all of Mountain View, CA! I hope you're excited. I can hardly contain myself!!

Christian Pirate Autopsy

The only way this could be better is if the guy on the left was Jack Black

Check out this Christian Pirate Autopsy, courtesy of my friend Pat.

"This young man is in very serious condition." Like most people being autopsied are just peachy?

Tales from the Geology Building

There was a girl in the geology building today with a WWJD shirt, and under the WWJD, it said "Where Would Jesus Dig?". It's really a harder question, because 'What Would Jesus Do' changes depending on the situation, but where would he dig? Well there's one, and only one answer to that. And I don't know it. And that's assuming he would dig at all. It's hard to believe he could go throughout life without digging for any reason though.

Also, we have the world's largest Trilobyte in the geology building, but sadly, it's dead.

GLUT Installation in Windows XP 64-Bit

If you're trying to install all the files needed to develop with GLUT in Windows XP Pro 64-bit edition, the directions need a slight update. Don't put the glu32.dll file into C:\WINDOWS\System32. Instead, put it in C:\Windows\SysWOW64.

Pain in the ass to figure out. I honestly didn't think SysWOW64 was anything important. What the hell is wrong with calling it System64? SysWOW64? If we ever have 128 bit windows I'm sure it'll be C:\Windows\SysROFLCOPTER128LOL

Things Going Wrong...

It's funny how sometimes you can feel like you've got everything under control, and everything is going fine, and then BOOM, all of a sudden everything falls apart.

Today, I was eating some Doritos, and doing a little coding, and not really paying much attention. So anyway, I reach into the bag, and out of the corner of my eye it looks like I've pulled out one of the Doritos that's like, bent over itself, so it's got a curl in it. So I hold it gently, but oh no! It's not one bent over itself, it's really two, so as I release my grip on it, the second dorito starts to slip, so I tighten my grip, and break both the chips in half. There were like, 4 Dorito pieces on my lap, and one on the floor. Funny how life sneaks up on you like that.

Speaking of...Were there ever just 'Doritos'? Like, they have different flavors now, but I feel like when they first came out, they were just Doritos, and they had like, original flavor or something, and over time, fact became legend, and legend became myth, and myths were all but forgotten, and now nobody knows the truth. Anyway...

Note To Directors...

What the hell is up with casting both Kevin Bacon, and a guy who looks exactly like Kevin Bacon in the same damn movie? So I can't tell who is who, and what the hell is going on?

Think about that next time. Like, get one guy with bright red hair, and another who is bald. Then when somebody is talking, I'll know why there's somebody invisible in the research station or whatever the hell the deal is.

Not Today Motherfucker

Probably the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube that doesn't involve rabbits or sealife: Not Today Motherfucker

Sanyo Katanna II Review

With my old phone on its way out, I headed to the store to pick up a new cell phone. I went with the Sanyo Katanna II. Big mistake.

The pros:
The internal display on the phone is absolutely beautiful. The standard for sprint phones looks liek 176x220, and the Katanna II is 240x320, and crystal clear. The external display is more standard, and looks the same as the one on my Sanyo 8100.
While I'm not a big fan of the body of the phone, it's better than a lot of the options today.
The 1.3Mp camera is pretty clear on the display. It would be neat to see how those pictures look on my computer... but... lets get to the cons...

The cons:
The killer, and the reason it's going back, is that while the phone has bluetooth, it does NOT work with my macbook, and I assume won't work with other computers. It's just for sending vCards and using a headset, two things I'm not going to do.
As mentioned, the phone looks a little cheap. The big problem with the body is that the outer 'U' piece of plastic on the front of the phone is not a flat material. It's ridged, and every time I pull it out of my pocket, it has lint stuck to it. Brilliant.
The power port is hidden behind a cheap rubber flap on the side, which makes the phone impossible to talk on while it's charging, and the flap is going to get destroyed in no time.
While I don't want the phone just for music, it is the same price as music phones, and offers no sd card. Internal memory is 20MB, which is fine for photos and apps, but not music.

All in all, a mistake, but one I had to try to realize. I think my next attempt will be a Samsung M510. I'm done with Sanyo for now.

Overclocking The GeForce FX 5700LE

So I'm in sad shape for a gamer, and have been for a while. Back in the day, I spent the cash and got an aweome graphics card: an nVidia Ti4600. I think I spent about $300 on it, and at the time, I could max out the settings on any game I had, and it cut through them like buddah. However, that was a long time ago. That card died, and my uncle sent me his old 6800GT, which was awesome, but eventaully died as well. I've been using a GeForce Fx 5700LE for a while now, and it does the job, but nothing fancy. I pull an aquamark score of about 13800.

So today, I looked at my options. I actually have enough computers with AGP slots that I can invest in another good AGP card, and it would get used enough to justify it, however, I don't have the cash to do that. I could put about $75 into a mid-range card, and use that, but then I'm at the point where I'm blowing money for results that aren't going to be much better than what I have. Lastly...I could overclock.

Guess what I picked.
Here are my results. They've been tested, and found reliable:
5.08%10.5%14.9%18.3%21.3%23.6%

Core(MHz)	Memory(MHz)	Aquamark3	Gain
250	400	13791	Default
250	450	14492
275	450	15237
300	450	15847
325	450	16311
350	450	16728
375	450	16728

3DMark 2003 also showed an increase, a 21.9% gain in score from the cards default config to the last overclock (2028 from 1663). I don't bother testing on the newer benchmarks (3DMark 2004, 2007) since neither my hardware, nor my games are exactly cutting-edge.

In conclusion, I spent about 2 hours, and improved my performance by about 22%. That should keep me happy, hopefully until the next round of iMac's come out, and I talk everyone into giving me one for graduation. 4 cores, and the high-end graphics, people. Chop-chop.

UPDATE: So after about 4 hours of being pushed, the driver bluescreened my system. I've dropped back down to 350/450.

Portable GPS System

Portable GPS System

Amber: Thank god it's a portable GPS system, otherwise I'd be fucked.

Pyramid Hill Bluegrass Concert

Me: I don't even know what the hell bluegrass is, except I think it's like... I dunno. Banjos and shit.

Pat: I think its the music they play when you see hillbillies on TV

Yo-Yo Bob

I met this man in Chicago back when I was in highschool. He is the greatest Yo-Yo master ever to live. If the force were real, and had to do with yoyos instead of... whatever the hell it has to do with, this guy would be the head of the jedi council.

Cop shoots himself

This is the only way to teach kids about guns.

4th of July

Hope everyone had a fun 4th of July. Here's something for you. A 100 ton explosion.

My first chem exam

Ok, so this is a little random, and not very globally pertinent, but here goes...

I had my first Chem exam for this summer class I'm taking. 80 points were multiple choice, 20 were like...chem problems.

So I take the test, and while I'm taking it, I'm like, "Yeah! Only 2 I don't know!" and it's going well. Then I turn my test in. And the test I set mine on top of has like, completely different answers.

And I looked at my grade online tonight, and I'm a full 8 points below the average. I have a D. If I do really well on the second part, which isn't graded yet, I can get a C.

Anyway, it was just funny, because I felt so good during the test, and apparently I bombed it. Hey...now that I think about it...it's not funny at all...

The Flaw In My System

I don't watch the news on TV, I don't listen to NPR or any news radio, I keep headlines on my homepage, but they're mostly science, and I rarely click on them. That's the way I want things. The news media today is at least half made up, and the other half is exaggerated or extrapolated and interpolated to the point where it's no better than a picture and a caption. But... every now and then, something happens in world news, and I don't know what's going on well enough to understand the situation.

So from where I'm standing, it looks like half the population of the UK is car bombers.

Ghost Riding 101

If you don't know what ghost riding is, watch this video, listen to the song, and understand the lyrics:

Now that you know what ghost riding is, this next clip shows one common use of the ghost ride:

Finally, ghost riding can go wrong. These clips depict the darker side:

The Robot

Here's my friend Kevin busting a move, and a pretty awesome song:

Rat Maze Game

Try this awesome game. Turn the sound way up, the music is off the hook!

Tsumptin and Tunisia Open Source CD

I was looking for a way to burn ISO images onto CD (funny how Windows XP doesn't include such a feature... bastards) and I stumbled upon an open source cd with all kinds of windows open source software. Free!
When I have the choice between open source, and commercial software, I almost always choose open source. It's much less likely to be bloated and sketchy because you can look through the code yourself and make sure it's safe, and there's nobody sitting behind it trying to make money, which means the incentive to stick ads or other software into it is much less.
Anyway, I'm seeding the torrent for version 1.75 of this disc now, as there are lots of cool little tidbits on it. Check it out! You might find something useful!

Safari Update - Eve Online

An update to my preliminary review of the Safari browser for Windows...

I play Eve-Online, and I just found that after installing Safari, Eve Online would not start. This makes me uneasy, to say the least. I have no clue why Safari and Eve should see or have any interaction with each other. I can't, at this point, blame either product, but for now, I have uninstalled Safari.

Safari for Windows

I have IE7, FireFox, Opera, and Safari installed on my windows box now. Since I do a lot of web development, the more browsers I can look at something in, the better. Here's my preliminary review:

Pros:
It's fast - Apple claims it's up to 2x as fast, which wouldn't surprise me, but it's certainly quicker than IE.
It's clean - The interface is nice, although appleish and apparently not skinnable, and the default font is excellent.
It seems to display most pages right. At least better than IE6 or IE7. I initially had issues with Safari because it had poorer support for CSS2 than IE, but it looks like it's come a long way.

Cons:
Nice firefox features are missing. Where's my spellchecking for text boxes?
Plugins aren't as well established, universally compatible as Firefox. Where's my del.icio.us plugin?

Summary:
If you're a Firefox or Opera user, don't bother. It's not as good. If you're an IE user, please for the love of god, try something else. If something has kept you from Firefox and Opera, give Safari a try. And if you're a web developer, well, we now have another check to run! Safari on Windows!

More Airline Security Bullshit

Another story about the security people at the airlines harassing people and violating their rights.

I guess my real problem with all of this is that like, with the music industry, you have a group of companies that do things unscrupulously, and you don't want to give them your business, so you steal their music. Everybody's happy! But with airline security, you either put up with their crap, or don't fly. Because the government stepped in and screwed everything up, your best alternative is what, drive? Take a train?

Anyway. Just more crap. Soon I'll have to wear a star on my arm so people know I'm not a Catholic Republican.

Flippin Awesome Modems

Whatever company actually stuck this ad together has serious stones.

Great Idea

I was going through my notes from... a while ago, and I found a note to myself. I have no idea how old it is. 1-3 years?

Get people from jail to teach kids to brush their teeth

I'm not sure exactly what I had in mind, but I think it's along the lines of the Scared Strait! program, where we'd have inmates with bad teeth come in and talk to kids in grade school about how they better brush their teeth, or they're gonna pay.

Moped Fire-Cycle

I just got a notice from someone in our residence life department, referring to issues about our building:

As for the individual with the moped, we do not typically allow vehicles with gasoline in the building areas, as it is flammable and a fire hazard. If you have anywhere else to put it, that would be great. Otherwise, bring it into the lobby for now

Yeah. We don't like gasoline near the buildings. Bring it inside.

Kubuntu Feisty Installation Part 2

Ok, so I have Feisty installed, and nVidia drivers up and running. Next issue, I realized that my resolution was slightly off. 1184x1024 instead of 1280x1024, I believe. A quick fix:

System Settings > Monitor and Display > Hardware

My monitor was set to "generic". Entering Administrator Mode... and going into the hardware list, I found my monitor, selected it, selected the proper resolution, and everything was crystal clear.

Finally, I wanted to install Beryl. If you don't know what Beryl is, look it up. Makes OS X look like Apple has been sleeping for a year, and it makes Vista look just pitiful, which...it is. Beryl has a lot of fancy eye-candy, but it also has a lot of neat features to improve productivity once you know how to use them. Also, eye-candy isn't a bad thing. I can do what I do with or without Beryl, but with Beryl, I look good doing it.

So anyway, installing Beryl for Kubuntu was anything but painless. There exists a script on the Beryl Wiki which installs it, and places an icon on the desktop to start Beryl, but it does not auto start, and for the life of me, I can't get it to autostart, even with the directions on Beryl Wiki. So each time I boot into Kubuntu again, I have to manually start Beryl, which is worth it. But still.

Kubuntu Feisty Installation Part 1

If you're a geek and you haven't tried Kubuntu Feisty yet, you're really missing out. I've been using it on my main computer for about 3 weeks, and so far I'm impressed as hell. This is the saga of my install of Kubuntu Feisty 7.04 from the 650MB live/install CD.

Now, I did run into some issues. I wanted to dual boot between Kubuntu and Windows XP (I gotta have my games), and I knew I needed to really reinstall XP since I've been riding it pretty hard this last year, but I wanted to see how Kubuntu dealt with it. I tossed the disk in the drive, restarted, and the computer booted into Kubuntu. I told it I wanted to install, and everything was strait forward.

Kubuntu recognized the existing Windows partition, and asked me what to do. I could resize the Windows partition and install Kubuntu in the new space I made, install and use everything, or install in the largest existing free space (none?). Like I said, I wanted to reinstall Windows, so I selected this option knowing full well that things might get ruined, but I told it to resize Windows and use 30GB. The installer made a bit of noise...and froze. For a long time. I guess it's possible it could take hours upon hours to resize my drive, but I don't have time for silly things like that. So I restarted, and checked Windows. It was fine.

Ok, so time to hose everything. I deleted all partitions, installed XP on 30Gb, and it was happy. Next, I threw in the Kubuntu CD again, and told it to install on the remaining free space. It worked its magic, restarted me, and boom. I have a boot loader asking me if I want to run Windows XP or Kubuntu. So I picked Kubuntu.

First issue I ran into was that Kubuntu doesn't come with drivers for nVidia cards, and I definitely wanted support for all my fancy graphics. I've had really rough times with Fedora and SuSE trying to get nVidia to play friendly. Here's what I had to do:

sudo apt-get install nvidia-glx
sudo vim /etc/X11/xorg.conf
Once you're in there, change the line that references "nv" as the driver to "nvidia"

Restart X11, and you're in business! To check and make sure everything is happy, run this command:

glxinfo | grep direct

It should have a "Yes" by direct rendering.

Io's Volcano

Just in case you're not glued to /., here are 5 frames of Io's biggest volcano shooting crazyness 200 miles into the atmosphere:

Volcano-Go-Crazy

The Art of War

If you've read Sun Tzu's The Art of War, read this. It is a rough draft.

The problem with IT

I've had a headache now for like, 4 days, so I'm going to take this opportunity to bitch. Not that I need an excuse...

So I play a game called Eve Online. It's a fun game, and I pay the monthly fee because I enjoy it. It's astonishing to me, however, the game has the problems it does. I can't really get into detail too much without describing the game, but problems with delays caused by information being stored on the server instead of the client is probably my single biggest beef.

Anyway, that's not the point of this post. Eve deployed a new patch to fix a stupid feature, and they had to take the server down for 'hardware problems' apparently, which is ok, I don't play it enough to be bothered by that, but I got on Eve this evening, and commented about it, and some guy starts bitching me out because he works in IT, and I don't realize how difficult things are, and hardware can be funny, and ISP problems are beyond your control, and a whole slew of crap. And I think to myself, Wow...this guy takes care of servers, and he thinks it's ok for them to be down...

Like the real problem in IT is the people who expect things to work. Like people should be sympathetic because they're not being provided with the service which it is the IT department's job to provide. There are more than enough tools to provide consistent and reliable service to IT customers, and there is no excuse for not doing so. ISP related issues can happen, but it's your job to make sure that the ISP your company uses is reliable and is held accountable for any issues that do come up.

Anyway. The guy just burned me. There was a time when that kind of crap might have passed, but modern day, if IT is inconveniencing your customers in ANY way, it's a big problem, and it needs to be fixed.

Sinfest - A comic I stumbled upon

Number 63

Just a sample. The comic covers a wide variety of topics.

Jerry Caldwell?

Overheard at home tonight:

Mom: What did he die from?
Rob: Being a dumb motherfucker.

I wonder where I get it...

A pretty funny video clip of some of the worst movie moments ever, courtesy of Liz:

Worst Movie Scenes Ever

Thermometer Trivia

Thermometers used to be filled with brandy instead of mercury. This was good because even if you didn't want to know the temperature, you could still drink the thermometer.

Deli Ham

I stood in line at the Deli for a while today...

When you walk up to the Deli counter, and ask for Ham, they generally have different kinds available. They generally differ in price by like, less than 20%. Surprisingly, they don't offer 3 different kinds of ham because they want you to be able to choose how much you pay. People don't walk into the store and think, 'Gee, I'd like to pay extra for my food today'. They offer different kinds because they taste different. It's really simple to solve the whole Ham dilemma, and I encourage you to do the following:

1. Go to your deli, and ask for a sample of their three different kinds of ham.
2. Taste them.
3. Buy the one that tastes the best for the value.

If, on the other hand, you don't give a shit about what the things you eat taste like, walk your ass over to the pre-packaged meat and get out of my way so I can buy my ham.

HD-DVD Processing Key

Incase you don't travel the tech-savy circles of the internet, there's currently some business going on with the key that has been used by most HD-DVD disks released thus far. The key was released accidentally, and it's all over the place now.
Apparently, someone in the know can use this key to get around all the encryption present on these HD-DVD's, and do what they like with them. Which I wholly support. A lot of sites, including Digg and Google are bending to get away from this number.
Anyway, the whole thing presents a plethora of angles for commentary, but the one I'm really interested in: Can you copyright a number? The answer, at least for now, appears to be "Yes, if you're an asshole." In light of this, while I've unfortunately found prior art for the number '9', there are several other numbers I'm currently applying for copyrights on.

Finals Week

As the semester winds down, I'm finding myself with more time to think about life instead of just what crazy assignments I've been given. On that note, I always thought the phrase "Like white on rice" was racist...but when I got to thinking about it today...I guess it's not, is it? Rice, or at least common rice, is white. So it's got white on it. I don't know where I came up with the racist thing.

Bear is driving! How can that be?!

Honestly, I don't know what this is. But I like it:

Virginia Tech Incident

So some guy at Virginia Tech killed a bunch of people and wounded a bunch more. And everyone calls this a tragedy. Bullshit.

I remember, during my time in high school I remember lots of stories in the news about school shootings. Columbine is probably one of the most memorable. I believe that was the work of the trench coat mafia? Anyways, these kids who were shooting up highschools are in college now, and nothing has changed. There's no emotional or social education in schools, we still have the same groups of pricks hanging out, although we call them frats and sororities and that makes it ok.

This isn't a tragedy. Shit, I'd say it was predictable if it was something even worth predicting. It's common sense. And I won't be surprised when more if it happens, and I won't be shocked and traumatized because of the senseless loss of life. This is how things are. Period. If it's such a big deal to you, do something about it. Until then, I'll be watching my own ass.

You, my friend...

I participate in several online consumer research groups, and was taking a survey today which asked me questions about my friends. One set of questions presented me with some adjectives, and asked me how well I thought they represented my friends. This made me do some thinking...so here are the results. If you are my friend, you are:
Not dope
Fairly cool
Somewhat sexy
Not fly
Sorry. The truth had to come out sooner or later though...

vi vs. Eclipse

I have a beef. The beef is as follows:
There is nothing wrong with vi. It's a good editor that has withstood the test of time, provides an effective and efficient interface, and it's very universal and reliable. But this is not the 1970's. Actually, it's not the 1980's either. Or the 90's. And we're well past the year 2000. And vi is not enough for me.

When I code, I use Eclipse. I love it. I use it for Java, of course, and I have plugins for Ruby, C++, PHP, and general web development. I've also got a plugin for SVN, so if I'm working on a group project, bang! Everything is right where I want it.

Now, you might say, 'But Dave, you could write a script to do all of that, and vi has support for things also'. Ok, again, I have nothing against scripts. I like em. They do nice things. But I write scripts, when I want to write scripts. I don't want to write scripts most of the time. I want to get my work done. Code completion, outline views, jumping to different tidbits of interest...these are Eclipse things. And they're very nice.

Even basic things! If I'm working with a file that has lots of long lines of code, I double click a tab in eclipse, shift minus, and I have a fullscreen view with a 10pt font. You just can't do that in vi. And while it's nice to know how to do everything the basic, hardcore geek way...you don't always know how to. If I have a GUI staring me in the face with a button that says 'revert', I can pretty much figure out what to do with it.

I guess my real feeling is that modern editors like Eclipse shouldn't be requirements, and they're not. I can write in notepad, vi, whatever. But they're nice, and there is nothing wrong with using them. They make things better, faster, cleaner, and if I ever find a transparency plugin for eclipse...sexier!

Senior Capstone

A snippet of a conversation between myself and one of my senior project partners. This is how we roll:

Sheena: i guess we'll look at our time interval
me: You are failing to acknowledge that we have a memory problem
Sheena: maybe jon was doing something with the db
Sheena: what about blaming kyle
Sheena: he had to want db access for something.. he wanted revenge

Steve Irwin and the New Intern

Embarassingly, I'm not sure exactly how to embed this, but this is a clip of Steve Irwin when he was still alive. He was a giant among men:


http://www.youtube.com/v/pa_7P5AbUww

How To Kiss

White Chicks And Gang Signs

Sorry I haven't been updating much lately. It looks like the last three weeks of this semester are going to be seriously tough. I don't even have time to procrastinate. Anyway, here are a couple videos, courtesy of Amber:



I'd love to post a picture of Amber making a gang sign as well, but time doesn't permit.

Super Cute Kitten

Ok, this is courtesy of Amber, to make up for the cop who I hope gets launched into space strapped to the engine of a rocket.

Dayton Police Compete With Cincinnati?

If this motherfucker had his brains blown out through his eye in front of his family, it would be too good for him.



The City of Dayton's Police Department apparently doesn't have a general public email address, or I would have written an angry letter, old-man-style.

Baby Got Book...

Just...wow...

WoW Codemonkey Song

Courtesy of Liz:


Courtesy of Amber:

Also, if you look at this girl's other attempts, she tries some variations, and you get to hear her talk. Apparently she's asian-european, and fine as hell, so I'll excuse her complete lack of rhythm.

Bart's Joke

(21:08:27) bart: hey did u hear about the new pirate movie??
(21:09:05) bart: it's rate arrrrrrrrrr!!!
(21:09:21) bart: rated*
(21:09:26) bart: shit
(21:09:30) bart: i ruined it

Indy Music

Bust-a-move

I'm sitting here outside of my C++ class, waiting for all the freshmen to line up and go in. I'd take a picture, but none of these shit-heads will hold my macbook and press the button for me, so you'll have to take my word for it. Anyway, as I sat here, I read this story. I link to SomethingAwful a lot, and you bastards probably don't read what I link to, but I think this is one of the best articles I've ever read on there, so I encourage you to check it out. It's really a good story, not just a bunch of comedic ranting about wolves painted on wolves. Anyway, check it out.

2006 Gold Medal Match

I've been busy (read:lazy) and haven't had time to post much, so I figured I better give you something. This video is of a friend of a friend (he doesn't know) which I found on myspace. This has to be the worst set of fights I have ever seen, and the fact that this is titled as the 2006 Gold Medal Match just makes it worse. I bet the two guys fighting for the silver medal just ran away from each other, and the match for the bronze was between two guy's imaginary friends.

Feats of Impossible Courage and Ingenuity

A List of Problems Solved By MacGyver. Respect it.

Dating in Highschool

This is the best way I've ever seen this put:

And then one day your bud tells you he met a girl, and you’re like “awesome,” because now you’re going to be hanging out with your bud AND an awesome babe. Because any girl your bud is willing to go out with must be an awesome babe, right? And then you meet her, and you’re like “what the hell?” because it turns out way different than you wanted.

It's from Something Awful. I just read it and thought, 'yeah...wow. Exactly.'

Also, I never know if highschool is one word, or two, but who really gives a shit? Like, if you're that bothered that I separate it, or keep it as one word, whichever is wrong, go choke on something.

Google Image Labels

Ok, so give this one a shot. Good time killer, kinda fun, and you can tell your boss you're just increasing the accuracy of your search results, which as we all know, is critical to good research and performance and whatnot.

Google Image Labeler

Ripple Effect

I've never liked the analogy that an event is like a drop, causing a ripple that spreads out and expands forever, because I don't think it really captures what an event is, in terms of time. Yes, an event has an effect which spreads out from where it started, presumably at the speed of light, but when you let a drop of water fall on a lake, as the ripple spreads, it doesn't change the water, and eventually the water falls still again. This isn't the case with an event.

Like if I go out into the street, and hurl a rock at a car, this will cause a presumably infinite cascade of events. The person in the car will stop it, get out, and from that point on, their entire life has been altered, traffic patterns have been altered, thus altering other peoples lives, different people will be involved in accidents, maybe the person will be more angry tonight and break something, or eat a different food to make them feel better, a stocker will have to replace an item purchased, whatever. While the event of me throwing a rock will eventually be forgotten, the event permanantly changes possibly everything, until it's overridden by a larger event, say...the new supercollider accidentally making a black hole which destroys the earth.

Anyway. Some crap emo song made me think of that.

Dream, Tuesday, Jan 23rd

I had a dream last night. Here we go:

I went to Electronics Boutique (EB Games, now), and they had a bunch of Wii's. I got one, bundled with a Kirby game, and left. In the parking lot, I ran into Charles Bronson, who had setup a stand and was watching fireworks. I took a seat with him, and chatted, and then a man ran towards us, trying to kill Bronson. The man running towards us was hit by a train before he got up here, and Bronson told me to go check the body. His pockets were full of 'tent making' materials (a tent, and patches for holes in the tent). On my way back to Bronson's stand, I noticed a man hiding under his stand, and then I woke up.

Never did get to play Kirby.

Indian Traffic

Wow. This clip was sent to me by my uncle, who pointed out how it makes L.A. traffic look...organized! I have never driven in L.A., but I remember being on the freeway as a child, and yes, it looks quite civilized compared to this:

Traffic Intersection in India

Something to note, though, is that despite what appears to be a complete lack of signage, lanes, and a traffic light, and apparently a lack of traffic laws, or at least compliance for them, things flow fairly well in this short clip. I guess this is mainly due to the reduced speed, and the lack of morons driving around in SUV's, but it makes me think.

Watch the right side of the screen in the middle at 0:45, where a car and a guy on a bike go head-to-head.

Damn Coworkers

It's funny how you can say anything you want to a complete stranger, and anything you want to a best friend, but the people in between, it's like they think they deserve some kind of respect for some reason.